I stepped up and spoke out in my new-ish job at a meeting with a foundation program officer – I’m just shy of 2 months in so it seemed to be time. (I’m in development – we are marketers, yes?).
I sponsored a child through World Vision inspired by Kristin Howerton of Rage Against the Minivan because, really, the right thing to do.
I am trying to be patient as I wait to hear final logistical details about the closing on the sale of the New Mexico house on Friday, because I am sure that everything is probably on track and I am just paranoid. But really. And yikes.
And that is all that I have got today.
I was so happy and excited on Sunday when I got myself organized and brought this blog back to life and figured out how easy it was to use the domain name I bought over a decade ago…I promised myself that I wouldn’t overthink it. That I would write regularly. Figure out my voice by doing, not planning.
So I am showing up. But feeling tentative. And second-guessing.
Last week the very smart and lovely Alice Bradley wrote about Austin Kleon’s new book Show Your Work. I haven’t even read it yet – it only just arrived today. But I think the reason it stuck with me is that this, in a nutshell, is something I’ve been struggling with for the last several years. Show your work? But what if no one likes it? What if it’s no good? I don’t think it’s ready yet. Methinks this is exactly the line of argument he’s out to counter.
And then this straightforward piece of advice:I’ve been thinking a lot about making change using your body’s wisdom. I even wrote about the body as a compass right here on this blog. But I’ve wandered away from my path since then. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and analyzing and gaining insight – lots of time spent in my head. And little by little I’ve lost the connection to how I feel. But I know it. And I know that I’m at that intersection where understanding the why isn’t enough to motivate a change. You have to feel it in your spine and your gut and your heart. That’s where change really happens, where it sticks. And you have to get there by doing, by moving, by making, by showing up and showing your work.
It’s a funny thing to come back to your blog after more than a year passes to find that the last post was “On Stuckness.” Indeed.
I can say that “stuckness” has been a familiar feeling over the last 14 or so months, even though the laundry list of things that have changed is long and mighty:
- In May, we committed to a move from New Mexico to Southwest Michigan. Put the house on the market. Started planning.
- In June, the guy started his new position. I started prepping for the move. The house was not sold.
- In July, we shipped the girl to grandparents, the guy went back to work, and I packed up house and dogs and made the long drive. The house was not sold.
- In August, we created as much normalcy as we could in a two bedroom apartment on the 3rd floor with 3 people and 2 dogs. And looked for a new house in Michigan. The house in New Mexico was not sold.
- In September, the girl started her new school (happily, phew!) and we found a house that would work. Miraculously, we were able to buy it even though…the house in New Mexico was not sold.
- In October, we moved in to our cozy new house. Exhale. Unpacked lots and lots of boxes. My reward was Camp Mighty. The house in New Mexico? Still not sold.
- In November, the snow began to fall. I started to think about finding a job. The house in New Mexico? Not sold. Sigh.
- In December, the snow kept falling and the temperature kept dropping. Christmas was cozy, except for the 2 days without power right up to Christmas Eve. The house in New Mexico? Not sold. Sigh.
- In January, the snow kept falling. And falling. So cold. But there was a job that appeared! THE EXACT JOB! What? The house in New Mexico? Not sold. Sigh.
- In February, a week in Phoenix in the sunny 70s. Such a relief. And the house in New Mexico? On the last day of that sunny vacation week, an offer. All right, all right, all right….
- And now it is March. The snow is melting. The job is good. The blog is awakened out of hibernation (and hey, it wasn’t so hard to finally make that domain I bought a decade ago really mine!). Good stuff, good stuff. And the house in New Mexico? We sign it away in 5 more days.
So maybe, just maybe, the thaw has really begun. I’m ready.