I try to start each day – after the dogs are fed and the coffee is made, before the girl is up – writing a few pages in my journal and doing the day’s to-do list (thanks to the amazing Karen and the Chookoolonks Pathfinder course). This morning, as I wrote “Thursday, March 1” at the top of the page, I felt a little sinking in the pit of my stomach. How is it March 1? What happened to February, even with its marvelous extra day? What have I accomplished? Am I falling behind?
This is going to be a year of change and transformation for our little family pack – both my husband and I are figuring out what we really want our work to be so we are in a period of great reflection and creativity. And we are incredibly fortunate to be able to take our time for awhile. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit there is a tension between my commitment to not rush and to not start shutting down possibilities because I start asking “how?” way too soon, and my deep and abiding desire for certainty and a plan. Just tell me where I’m going and I can get to work. But this time, I’m deciding where I want to go, not where I think I should go. Much easier to get stuck.
My man is a consultant and coach by trade so he’s been reminding me recently about the power of words. The way you can diminish the power of an action simply by self-protectively labeling it as silly or unimportant. And the way your brain will find a way to answer any question you ask it. Why can’t I ever finish a project? Your brain will give you all the reasons you can’t, and increase the probability that you won’t finish the next one.
So this morning as I found myself feeling a little panicky at the things I coulda-shoulda-woulda done in February, I remembered his advice. Seems to me that a yet-to-do list holds a lot more promise than a not-yet-done list.
The Pantone color for 2012 is called Tangerine Tango. I don’t know how they do it, but it certainly seems to be calling out to me. And I am not normally an orange person.
But here’s what’s on my needles now – and the lovely skein of Tangelo sock yarn from Scout’s Swag that just came in the mail today. Hmmm.